Monster
by Sullen Kitty
Summary: Oneshot. When the Caff-Pow! company goes out of business, Abby has to create an illegally-caffeinated drink before withdrawal symptoms kick in.


**Title:** Monster

**Summary: **When the Caff-Pow! company goes out of business, Abby has to find a replacement before the withdrawal symptoms kick in.

**Disclaimer:** I would love to own NCIS. But I don't. It's really tragic.

--

"Oh my," McGee muttered, staring at his computer screen.

Tony's ears perked up as he heard the man's voice. "What's up, Probie?"

"Abby is not going to be happy this morning. Or ever, as a matter of fact."

"Why?" Tony asked curiously.

"Don't you watch the news, Tony?" Ziva asked, coming into the bullpen.

"Not really, Zeeevaaaah," Tony said. "I was… _busy_ last night."

"Too busy to realize that the Caff-Pow! company went bankrupt?" McGee turned his computer screen around so Tony could read it. "It's all over the web."

"Actually, I _was_ too busy to notice that, but now that I know it I'll stay out of Abby's way."

"Why are you staying out of Abby's way, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as he walked out of the elevator.

Tony winced. "Hiya, Boss. I'm staying out of Abby's way because the Caff-Pow! company went under."

Gibbs pursed his lips. He pulled out his wallet and retrieved several bills. "McGee, go down the street and get as many caffeinated drinks as you can find."

"Gotcha, Boss." McGee took the bills from him and left via stairs, so he wouldn't have to face Abby as she got into the elevator.

"Um, Boss? What do you want me to do?" Tony asked.

"You and Ziva can hide," he said mildly. "I'm going to call and warn Ducky."

Tony dove under his desk while Ziva wandered quickly away from the bullpen.

The elevator dinged; Gibbs put the phone down.

Abby walked in, dressed entirely in black, her eye makeup smudged. "Giiiiiiiiibbs!" she cried. "Caff-Pow! is gone! Forever! Kaput! The company went bankrupt! There aren't going to be any more perfectly sweet, sugary, caffeinated drinks in large souvenir cups ever again!"

"I know," Gibbs said sympathetically, hugging the girl. "It's very sad."

"You don't understand!" she wailed. "What if there was suddenly a world-wide shortage of coffee beans, and you couldn't get your seventeen cups a day? What if they had to ration coffee? What if you were declared a terrorist because you'd bought coffee beans off the black market, Gibbs? I DON'T THINK I COULD TAKE THAT!"

"Abby!" Gibbs shouted, alarmed by the state she was in. "I sent McGee out to get as many caffeinated drinks he could with two hundred dollars. Make your own drink! Hell, make Caff-Pow!"

Abby looked up, her eyes shiny. "Gibbs! You're a genius! I can use my skills to make Caff-Pow!"

"Yes, you can," he said, relieved to see her going back to normal. "I'm sure you could figure out the chemical makeup and make more. Maybe something even _better_ than Caff-Pow!."

"Boss!" McGee rushed back in, his arms laden with bottles of sugary drinks, then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Abby. "Um, er, where do you want me to put these…?"

Abby leapt up, kissed Gibbs on the cheek, then skipped toward the elevator. "Come on, Timmy!" she cried. "You're going to help me make Caff-Pow!"

Tony emerged from his hiding place once they'd left. "That was frightening," he said shakily.

Gibbs picked up his large styrofoam cup of coffee and turned it round and round in his hands.

"Boss…?" Tony said, worried he might have had a mental breakdown.

"I don't think I could take being called a terrorist for wanting coffee, either," he said sadly, taking a sip of the scalding-hot liquid.

Tony slid back under the desk.

-

Without the stimulating effects of Caff-Pow!, Abby knew she was pretty much useless. So, with the help of some extremely strong coffee and Pixie Stix, she worked round the clock to concoct a drink that was equal to and possibly even better than Caff-Pow!.

Three days later, she emerged like a ghost from the lab. "I've done it!" she shrieked, clutching a tiny vial of blue fluid. "I've done it!"

The team rushed over to her. "You did it?" Tony asked excitedly. He'd become slightly obsessed with the whole prospect of making a drink even more caffeinated than Caff-Pow!. If it could happen, it was probably so full of caffeine it was illegal.

"Can I… can I try it?" Ziva asked hesitantly.

Abby nodded. "Take a tiny sip so everyone else can try it too," she directed.

Everyone watched with bated breath as Ziva uncorked the tiny capsule and took a sip. She paused, then looked at it. "It's Monster."

"What?" everyone asked.

"Monster. You know, the drink that is like Red Pony on drugs."

"Red _Bull_," Tony muttered, taking the vial from her and taking a swig. He gasped theatrically. "Doctor Watson, I think we've done it!" He looked apologetically at Abby. "It _does _taste like Monster."

Ziva shivered. "Feels like Monster, too. Very strong."

"Yeah," Tony agreed, passing it onto McGee.

He took a small sip, then looked at Abby. "Monster."

"_Shit!"_ She threw the vial down and ran away.

Gibbs glared at his team. "You should've just told her that it was perfect."

McGee and Tony pointed at Ziva. "I am sorry!" she said. "It is Monster, though!"

Tony nudged her in the ribs. "Uh, guys, I don't think Monster does _that_."

They all looked at the ground and took a quick step back.

Where the rest of the liquid in the vial had splashed to the ground, it had erupted into small blue flames and was eating away at the carpet.

"ABBY!" Gibbs yelled. "THIS IS NOT MONSTER!"

"IT'S _A_ MONSTER, THOUGH!" Tony shouted as he ran for the fire extinguisher.

**-Fin-**

A/N: I couldn't resist the urge to write something like this. The bunny just wouldn't leave me alone. R&R please!


End file.
